Letting Go

In a box in our office closet is a set of dishes. They’re beautiful dishes, I think – I picked them out myself and used them every day in my single life. They’re plain white, no pattern, just the way I like it. I picked the plain white because it would go with anything, and I'd never have to worry about matching them to my kitchen decor.

When Dave and I moved in together, we had a dispute over which dishes to use. His were from his childhood; white with dark avocado green flowers on the edges. He loves those dishes. To him, they represent countless childhood meals and family time. To me they look a little dated.

I reluctantly boxed up my beautiful white dishes, thinking someday I could convince him that my dishes were prettier and better. I think, somehow, that they represent my freedom as a single person – to make my own choices and spend my own money.

I still want that freedom to be myself, and it’s something that I struggle with in my relationship. Having grown up in a world where women were to be subservient to men, where women weren’t supposed to spend money without permission, where women put themselves dead last on the priority list, I have a hard time thinking of myself as an independent person. I’m a wife, after all, so I’m supposed to squash myself into the wife box, and in addition to cooking and cleaning, make-do and mend, serving him the biggest pieces of cake and chicken and pie, and justifying every spare purchase, and thinking of him before I think of myself.

This is all me – Dave doesn’t expect me to behave this way, and in fact, he gets puzzled when I do. I’m learning that it’s more than okay for me to express my needs; in fact, it's vital to the health of our relationship for me to do that. If I limp along in bad bras or worn-out running shoes while simultaneously telling Dave to buy new socks because his aren’t “squishy” enough anymore, he gets upset with me. His needs aren’t more important than mine just because we’re married now, but I have to remind myself of that.

So what to do with the dishes? They represent freedom, yes. But they also represent fear. Fear that I will lose myself. Fear that we won't be able to agree on something as mundane as dishes. Fear that something will happen to our relationship and I'll need them again one day. In getting rid of the dishes, will I get rid of the fear? I don't know...but I think I need to find out.

January round up

So, how did I do with those January goals? Here we go:

- get to week 2 of C25k (#1) - I did do one day of week 2 of C25k, plus some days of days of week 1 so...not too bad.
- write two blog posts per week; post four pictures (#2) - didn't do this
- work on anti fundamentalist story 2x/week for 15 mins (#6) - didn't do this either
- get feedback from boss re: performance review and salary review(#7 and #8) - didn't do this
- update resume regardless of outcome of perf review (#7 and #8) - nope
- start looking at Craigslist etc for new job? (#7 and #8) - I've poked around a bit; nothing serious
- in Jan, buy 1-2 more bras; continue to hand wash them weekly (#9 and #51) - nope
- come up with family budget with Dave (#10 and #13) - we've been talking and working on our bill paying system, so I'm calling this done for now. It's really an ongoing conversation
- try opening Champagne at least once (#26) - no
- do yoga on off days from C25k (#30) I did more yoga than running this month.
- Knitting/Craft Stuff (#38) – the goal this month is to finish a lot of the almost-done projects that are hanging around.

Anyway:
-blue beret with sock yarn:

-scarf with blue sock yarn

-finish brown/blue blanket - no pics of this; I'm glad I finished it, but it's made of chenille and already looks worn out
-finish crochet blanket - this thing is huge! It covers the top of our queen-sized bed

-finish birds I'm really pleased with how these turned out - such cute Christmas ornaments!

-finish embroidery project
-finish reading Maggie Righetti’s book
- Books/Science - read Female Chauvist Pigs - nope; got sucked into the Steig Larsson books. Which are totally worth it.
- work on filing project 15 mins/ day, 5x week - nope
- type recipes 15 mins/day, 6x week - did work on this a bit; not as much as I hoped to, but something is better than nothing.

So, ok, I didn't do too well on my goals. I think I was a bit overly ambitious, so I'm going to scale it back for next month. Also, it looks like I did a boatload of knitting, but really, I was 80-90% done with the projects I've listed, so it was just about doing the final bits. Which, as any knitter knows, are the hardest for some reason. It's so much more fun to start projects!

February Goals:

-get all recipes in silver bin typed up
-finish filing project
-get orange sweater done (using this pattern)
-get to week three of C25k (and be way more consistent with exercise!)
-write 8 blog posts (0/8)

-follow up with boss on performance review/salary issue
-cook something from Julia Child for V-day
-finish Larsson books
-finish reading and taking notes on this book

That seems much more do able.

Trying to Focus

I’ve noticed a strange thing since I’ve been trying to focus on my goals and what I can achieve. I’ve been feeling really scattered - pulled in a thousand different directions. Even when I’m actively working on a goal I’ve set for myself, I’m thinking about all the other goals that aren’t getting done in that particular moment. It can be really overwhelming.

I’m trying to think of ways to calm my brain down. I think I need to do two things - 1. make certain goals habits and 2. try to be in the moment as much as possible. For things like my C25k goal, I don’t really need to think about it - I just need to set aside time to do it and make it a habit. The program is already there; I just need to follow it.

Being in the moment is a little harder. But really, in the grand scheme of things, does it matter if I cross 5 things off my list per day? Or 3? Or 1? No, not really. The reason I have all my lists is so that I’m not wandering aimlessly around every day, wondering what I should work on. Once I’m working on something, I want to be fully present and engaged in what I’m doing. So, I think I just need to slow down, breathe, and focus on whatever it is I’m doing - if that’s brushing up my resume, knitting a sweater, or chatting with my husband. I want to be present in my life, not constantly worrying if I’m doing enough.

"Green" goals for 2011

As you can probably tell, I like lists and goals. I’ve been thinking about ways to become more “green” around the house and I’ve come up with yet another list. I’m certainly not to the point of cloth toilet paper and eliminating trash 100%, but small steps toward being less wasteful work for me!

We already do a few things that are considered environmentally friendly. Probably the biggest one is that we moved close to work. My commute is 5 minutes. My husband’s commute is 10 minutes. Before we moved, we were commuting 35 minutes, one way. We did carpool, but it was still a long trip. So, moving to be closer to work has helped reduce our driving time by quite a bit. We also use cloth napkins, and we’re replaced all the bulbs in our apartment that we’re responsible for with CFLs. There are some fixtures that maintenance takes care of, so those bulbs are still standard or fluorescent.

Jan – Started using my klean kanteen, which I love. I didn’t buy plastic water bottles all the time, and I always reused them, but this way I’m set for use at work. I can’t say I’ll never buy a water bottle again, but this is a step in the right direction. I also want to come up with a natural air freshner for our office and master closet – both of which get stuffy and stinky for some reason. Well, I understand the closet getting stinky since we keep our shoes in there!

Feb – Start using our re-usable bags every time we go shopping – groceries, target, etc. Start carrying small bag in my purse for misc purchases and the library.

Mar – Wean off of paper towels; use flannel rags, dishcloths, etc instead.

April- Work on shutting computers off at night; talk to Dave about shutting off/unplugging power strips also. Work on getting as many electronics as I can onto power strips to make unplugging as painless as possible.

May – Start buying produce at the farmer’s market; try to keep this up all summer! Bring my own containers/bags so I don’t need plastic bags – maybe make some cotton drawstring bags for this. Our closest farmer’s market is only open May-Oct, so while I’d love to shop there all year, I just can’t at this point.

June – Make yogurt and chicken or veggie stock; get Ball glass jars for this (maybe at thrift store – but get new lids!!). I found this method for making chicken stock in the crocknpot, which sounds super easy:  http://www.nourishingdays.com/2009/02/make-chicken-stock-in-the-crock-pot/

July – No spend month! Obviously we’ll still pay bills and buy food, but no extra spending for me, not even at the thrift store! This is a good month for me to do a no-spend thing, since it’s one of the few months in which we don’t need to buy birthday presents and such.

August - Experiment with homemade cleaners (vinegar, baking soda, etc)

September – Research ways to reduce junk mail. I know there’s a way to get on a “do not mail” list and I need to work on that.

Oct – Start walking to/from work one day/week, on Fridays. I feel badly using my car for my 1.2 mile commute; however, like a lot of women, I don’t want to deal with the shoe issue! Most of my professional shoes are just not suitable for walking long distances and I don’t want to schlep a second pair to work. My job has the wonderful dress-down Friday, so walking on Fridays will be relatively painless, since I can wear comfy shoes. I will need to pack my lunch and also bring my ipod since the break room gets really loud and annoying at lunch time.

November – Research community recycling options. Our apartment only has a dumpster – not separate recycling containers. Right now, everything just goes into the dumpster, even stuff I know is recyclable. So, I want to see if there are nearby places where we can take our recycling. It will have to be convenient; otherwise I won’t do it.

December – try cloth pads (such as lunapads); if I like them, use them full time. Or, if they aren’t practical for a work day, use them at night when I’m at home. This is something I’ve been wanting to try for a while anyway. When I had a communal washer and dryer I was more hesitant, but now that we have a washer and dryer of our very own, it makes sense to give it a try.

All the time – work on not wasting food, using less soap/shampoo/conditioner/etc, turning lights off in rooms I’m not using, wear slippers and a sweater before automatically turning up the heat (in summer, wear loose cotton dresses before turning on AC), work on planning one meat-free dinner/week.

Even with implementing all these changes we still won’t be perfect environmentalists. But I’m ok with that for now – every little bit helps, right?

On writing about the wedding

Life list item #37 was to write a wedding graduate post for APW and submit it. I think at this point, though, I’m ready to remove that item from my list. To me, the wedding was a Big Thing, and such a beautiful memory for me, that I’m not sure I want to open my experience to the outside. Even if it was never published, someone else would read it, and I don’t think I want to be that emotionally vulnerable to someone (or maybe a lot of someones) I’ve never met. I certainly appreciate the women who do write for APW, I just don’t think I want to be one of them.

So, I’m removing that item. I certainly don’t plan to do that will all the items on my list, but it’s good to re-evaluate sometimes and do what’s right for me, lists be damned.

Books Read 2010

Just a list of the books I read over the last year:

Chocolat by Joanne Harris
The Secret Adversary by Agatha Christie
Bookends by Jane Green
Murder Takes the Cake by Gayle Trent
Plum Spooky by Janet Evanovich
The Mysterious Affair at Styles by Agatha Christie
A Light from Heaven by Jan Karon (via audio book)
Little Earthquakes by Jennifer Weiner
I Do But I Don't: Why the Way We Marry Matters by Kamy Wicoff
Scarlet Feather by Maeve Binchy
Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See
In Pursuit of the Proper Sinner by Elizabeth George (via audio book)
Why Didn't They Ask Evans by Agatha Christie
The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Sitterfield (via audio book)
Vilette by Charlotte Bronte
The Book of Fate by Brad Meltzer (via audio book)
The Priest's Madonna by Amy Hasssinger (via audio book)
The Boleyn Inheritance by Phillipa Gregory (via audio book)
The ABC Murders by Agatha Christie
People of the Book by Gwendolyn Brooks (via audi obook)
Dead Man's Folly by Agatha Christie
The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
The Serpent on the Crown by Elizabeth Peters (via audio book)
Crazy for God: How I Grew Up as On of the Elect, Helped Found the Religious Right, and Lived to Take All (Or Most All) of it Back by Frank Schaeffer
More Blood, More Sweat, and Another Cup of Tea by Tom Reynolds
At Some Disputed Barricade by Anne Perry (via audio book)
The Wives of Henry VIII by Antonia Fraser
Innocent Traitor: A Novel of Lady Jane Grey by Alison Weir
The Sari Shop Widow by Shobhan Bantwal
About a Boy by Nick Hornby
The Religion by Tim Willocks (via audio book)
The Grave Tattoo by Val McDermid (via audio book)
High Fidelity by Nick Hornby
Lord of the Dead by Tom Holland
Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer (via audio book)
The Secret of the Old Clock by Carolyn Keene
The Dirt on Clean by Katherine Ashenburg
My Life in France by Julia Child and Alex Prud'Homme
The Hidden Staircase by Carolyn Keene
Outlander by Diana Gabaldon (via audio book)
Stuart Little by EB White
The Moonstone Castle Mystery by Carolyn Keene
Dragonfly in Amber by Diana Gabaldon (via audio book)
The Codex by Douglas Preston (via audio book)
Agnes Grey by Anne Bronte
The Lives ofthe Kings and Queens of England edited by Antonia Fraser (via audio book)
The English Assassin by Daniel Silva (via audio book)
Restoring the Goddess: Equal Rites for Modern Women  by Barbara Walker
The Tomb of the Golden Bird by Elizabeth Peters (via audio book)
A Guide to Elegance by Genevieve Antoine Dariaux

An even 50 books, not bad for the year. I really like listening to audio books while I clean and knit, but my local library is heavy on the mystery/thriller type, so that's why there are so many of those type of books on this list. I probably should make more of an effort to read/listen more widely, but for now, this isn't bad.

I think my favorite of the audio books was The Thirteenth Tale - a Gothic tale with a rich plot and many twists and turns. My favorite "regular" book was Frank Schaeffer's Crazy for God. I could really relate to his tale of growing up in fundamentalism. My eyes just about fell out of my head when I read that just at the time my family was idolizing him for converting to Greek Orthodoxy and whatnot, he was holed up in a tiny apartment, miserable and stealing pork chops. A great read, darkly funny, and with a great message.

Fresh Starts

I’m feeling the need for more space in my life, for more breathing room. I feel like, since the move in April and the wedding in October and the holidays, I was simply treading water and doing the bare minimum. Which is totally ok, and I’m glad I could let go enough to do that. But, in the meantime, projects spiraled out of control. My desk at home became a nightmare. My desk at work became an even bigger nightmare. I became really good at shoving things into boxes and cupboards and drawers to deal with “later.”

Well, it is now “later.” Even though it’s clichéd as a New Year’s ritual, there’s something comforting and soothing about starting a new year with a clean slate – about organizing and packing up and getting rid of and cleaning. Last night I cleaned my desk at home – and it feels like a big, happy sigh when I sit down to it now. It’s not minimalist, by any means, since I’m not a minimalist and I like my creature comforts. But the teetering stacks of paper are gone, along with the old empty envelopes, the piles of computer and camera cables, the old notes, the boxes of thank-you notes. What’s left? Room to breathe.

Fog

It’s been cold and foggy in my part of the world. I think I’m the only person I know who actually likes fog – I love the soft blanket of grey in the sky, the way the light looks when it filters through our blinds, the cozy feeling I get imagining that I could spend a day curled up in a quilt, doing my knitting and drinking hot chocolate and listening to a Val McDermid mystery before slowly and lovingly creating a pot of soup. The reality is, of course, that I spend my foggy days working in my cubical, trying to find passion for pushing papers and answering phone calls before going home and heating up leftovers for dinner.

But still, the fog calls to me in a way that sunlight never does. I never get depressed by Winter (possibly because it’s so short here!). Instead, I dread the month of August when one sticky, hot, miserable day follows another and the sun is so bright that even sunglasses don’t cut the glare.

But those days are a long way off, and until then, I will bask in a world of soft greys and whites and think cozy thoughts.

New Year's Resolutions

It seems a bit ridiculous to post real New Year’s Resolutions when I have the big giant list of things to do. So, instead, I’ll be posting monthly goals that will directly relate to items on my life list.

January Goals:

- get to week 2 of C25k (#1)
- write two blog posts per week; post four pictures (#2)
- work on anti fundamentalist story 2x/week for 15 mins (#6)
- get feedback from boss re: performance review and salary review(#7 and #8)
- update resume regardless of outcome of perf review (#7 and #8)
- start looking at Craigslist etc for new job? (#7 and #8)
- in Jan, buy 1-2 more bras; continue to hand wash them weekly (#9 and #51)
- come up with family budget with Dave (#10 and #13)
- try opening Champagne at least once (#26)
- do yoga on off days from C25k (#30)
- Knitting/Craft Stuff (#38) – the goal this month is to finish a lot of the almost-done projects that are hanging around. Hopefully, I’ll take some pictures of them and post those, but with the short days, it’s hard to find time to photograph them in daylight. I’ve discovered through trial-and-error that I take seriously crappy pictures in artificial light. There’s probably something I can do about that, but it would involved reading the camera manual and fiddling with buttons and knobs. And, uh, that scares me. Anyway:
-blue beret with sock yarn
-scarf with blue sock yarn
-finish brown/blue blanket
-finish crochet blanket
-finish birds
-finish embroidery project
-finish reading Maggie Righetti’s book
- Books/Science - read Female Chauvist Pigs
- work on filing project 15 mins/ day, 5x week
- type recipes 15 mins/day, 6x week

Random New Year's Resolutions

1. Do not purchase any new lotion/soap/perfume until I’ve used what I have
2. Do not purchase any new candles until I’ve used what I have.

Notice a pattern???

Christmas 2010

Christmas…

Was wonderful! Not quite as relaxing as I would have liked, but still really nice. Our family outdid themselves with wonderful presents, and I feel a bit guilty about that. Everyone got wedding pictures from us, so that was easy, but it felt a bit self-serving. Oh well, the family seemed to like them anyway!

The socks were finished a good hour before their recipient arrived. All the cooking we did turned out splendidly – Julia Child’s beef bourguignon for Christmas Eve, cranberry coffee cake for Christmas morning, mince pie as our contribution to the family Christmas Dinner (pictured above). Bing Crosby playing in the car as we made the rounds of the family. All was cozy and bright.

I’m glad the hustle and bustle of Christmas is over, but I can understand why some people celebrate 12 days of Christmas. I could do with a bit more merry-making – well, as long as someone else could do the cooking! Fortunately, my sister gets married on Saturday, so more festivity is just around the corner.

Performance Review

Today I did something that, for me, was incredibly bold, scary, and risk-taking. I not only asked my boss for a raise, I also suggested that a new position be created in our department AND I suggested that I be the one to fill said position.

Now, if you knew me, you would know how huge this is. I’m not assertive or demanding at all, ever. I hate rocking the boat.

But at the same time, I am feeling burned out and bored at my current job. My pay is ten cents an hour above the very bottom of the range for my position. I’ve been doing the same thing for five and half years, so clearly, something had to change.

The new position I suggested would be an asset to our company and our department and our employees. I’m already doing parts of it, anyway, and there is much that needs to be improved, just no time to work the improvements since I’m also busy with other stuff. So this would be really, really huge.

But it’s also really, really scary. What if they create this new position and I’m a total failure? What if there really isn’t enough to keep me busy? What if I hate it? What if they create the job and give it to someone else? And on and on.

Regardless of what happens, I’m glad I asked. I might get a raise out of it, and holy cow, how awesome would that be??? I might get a completely new position– who knows? And also, nothing might happen. I’m okay with that to. I decided that I needed to start asking for what I want, because if I don’t, I’ll never get anything. Part of the reason that women are still paid 70something cents for every dollar paid to a man is that we don’t ask for more. So, I asked.

And boy does it ever feel good!!

(yes, I’m still plugging away on the sock. Only five more inches to go!)

The Sock

My plan of paring down my to do list to one or two items per day hasn’t really panned out. There’s the small matter of Christmas coming up, which, despite my best intentions, is still a bit stressful in the present-making department. When will I learn to start Christmas gifts in July, not Thanksgiving weekend?? Also, the week after Christmas we’re traveling for a family wedding in which I am the honor person (I’m not old enough to be “matron of honor”, dammit!). So, needless to say, my must-do list is huge.

Around thanksgiving time, I decided it would be great to make my dad a pair of socks for Christmas. The first sock was completed two weeks ago. The second sock? Well, I discovered that thinking about knitting doesn’t correspond to an actual finished knitted product. The sock sat there, mocking me with its measely 2” of ribbing – for a week!

I decided that, no matter what, that sock is getting finished. Life has now narrowed to two things: work, and knitting. I knit when I eat my breakfast. I knit at lunchtime. I drink caffeine in the afternoon, just for the express purpose of staying awake long enough at night to crank out more knitting.

And you know what? It’s working! The sock is (as of this morning) at 5 3/4 inches! Only 16 more inches to go.

Oh, and just a warning to other sock knitters out there: men’s socks take WAY, WAY more time than women’s socks. And they’re boring, because let’s face it, most men don’t want fancy cables or lace on their socks. So men’s socks are inches and inches of plain ribbing, in a boring color…for EVER. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Christmas!

(ooh, look - a picture! One of our adorable vintage bird ornaments)

Even though I try really hard to simplify Christmas as much as possible, and even though I started my Christmas shopping well before Thanksgiving, I’m still finding myself with a mile-long list of projects to complete in the next two weeks. Some of those projects have sapped all of my creative juices, so I haven’t had much energy left to blog. Heck, I haven’t had much energy, period. In fact, I was so tired last night that I sat down to knit at 8pm and promptly started drifting off with needles still in hand. Since I haven’t figured out a way to knit in my sleep, I figured giving into the sleepies would be better than charging forward and making mistakes. So, I was asleep by 8:30 last night and it felt wonderful. My to do list, however, is not so wonderful, since I *have* figured out how to add to that while sleeping.

Sigh. Merry Christmas, though, to those who celebrate it. And Happy Everything to everyone else.
(As a side note, you don't even want to know how long it took me to get the picture above. We're talking days, people. Days. So embarrassing!)

Developing a Personal Style

I’ve never been particularly fashion-conscious, and I hate to shop. That means that a lot of my wardrobe has been put together as I make my semi-annual run through a department store or two, hoping desperately to find enough stuff that fits so that I’m not going to work naked. This “method” has resulted in countless mornings of frustration as I (almost) literally have nothing to wear.

Such a state of affairs was not making me happy. I have no desire to be a fashionista or anything, and I’d (ideally) do most of my buying on line, which is tricky when shopping for clothing. But, at the same time, I do like to look nice and appropriately dressed wherever I am- work, casual family dinner, or just hanging out at home, and that does require some planning.

So, one of my “life list” items is to develop a personal style. I started reading some fashion bloggers in the last six months or so, and that’s helping a bit. I was daring enough to purchase some bright blue tights, and I wore grey shoes with black tights one day. I’m pretty picky about the bloggers I read, too, since I don’t want to get bombarded by the “buy meeeee” thing that I see on a lot of blogs. It’s been super inspirational to see other people’s outfits, and I’m trying to incorporate some of their ideas without slavishly copying a style that’s clearly not going to work for me (belts, I’m looking at you!!).

Today I got the brilliant idea to write a list of what I’m going for in the clothing that I purchase and wear. Ideally, I’d like a high quality “core” wardrobe into which I mix the occasional trendy or thrifted item. In terms of style, I came up with the following:

I love vintage looks - pencil skirts, cardigans, ultra-feminine dresses with heels and pearls, etc

I also love awesome shoes, and I want to work on work on getting good, leather shoes that will last a while in classic/vintage shapes (either mary jane style, or pointy toed pump style). Supplement with trendy, cheaper shoes - but core shoes should be good quality. Would be awesome if I could have a pair of good shoes in each color of the rainbow, plus black, brown, and grey and excluding yellow, because I never wear yellow and don't like it.

Wear wide legged trousers/jeans with heels, when possible.

Collect interesting accessories and learn to wear them well, but simply. Have a well-edited collection (since I don’t like clutter!)

Try to go for a somewhat minimalist wardrobe, but functional as well

Work on developing a good core wardrobe of basic pieces, and supplement as necessary - but have those core pieces that I wear to death and then replace as necessary

Try to get high quality items - wool, leather, etc - and learn to care for them to make them last longer.

I tend to like solid colors. So, work on 1. incorporating more prints into wardrobe; 2. coming up with good/fun color combos; 3. keeping outfits fairly simple and adding statement jewelry

Work on vintage details – wear my pearls more, heels, skirts with interesting details

Learn to iron...and find a tailor

Figure out good lounge wear and cute pj’s. Dave sees me in my comfies most often, and while I don’t subscribe to the belief that one has to be perfectly dressed, coiffed, and made up while with her man, I’d like him to see me in something other than old workout pants and a minimally stained t-shirt!

Purchase good quality underwear and bras and learn to take care of them appropriately (as much as I loathe hand washing…). Replace when necessary, 1-2x/year.

I’ve found the following blogs helpful and inspirational – and maybe you will too!

www.alreadypretty.com – great advice on style along with fab links and feminist commentary
www.fabfindsunder50.com – awesome, budget friendly clothes. I wish I could wear belts and scarves the way she does!
http://fashion4economicallychallenged.blogspot.com/ - budget friendly workwear
www.blogforbettersewing.com – this fabulous lady makes me want to bust out my sewing machine! And, uh, learn to use it. Love her vintage style.
http://myslifeoflife.blogspot.com/ - love this blogger’s simple but fashionable look. And she wears skirts exclusively – even though I like my pants, I love the skirt inspiration!

Getting Overwhelmed by Pretties

I subscribe to a lot of blogs – blogs about books, blogs about fashion, blogs about weddings, blogs about sewing, blogs about knitting, blogs about cooking. Somehow, I also started subscribing to blogs that basically feature pictures of pretty things. I love seeing the pretties – Christmas trees, ornaments, shoes, awesome Etsy stuff, paper goods – but I’m feeling pretty overwhelmed by it these days. I like opening my google reader and finding beautiful pictures, or a list of really good books to check out, or a sewing tutorial…and then I remember. I have 25 books on my Kindle I haven’t read yet. I don’t, actually, sew. My free time right now is taken up with creating Christmas gifts for family members or cleaning the house. So…I don’t feel like I have time to just bask in pretty.

I think I also dislike some of the materialism that is presented by focusing on the pretties. Sure, they might come from a totally awesome Etsy seller, but it’s still something to buy buy buy. Or something to pretty to consume (I’m looking at you, Pioneer Woman!). Maybe it’s just the season, and the fact that I’m getting millions of BUY ME!!!! emails from all over the place too, but it’s turning me into a real Scrooge. I get that some blog writers want to share the pretty things they’ve discovered with others, and that’s cool, it just seems that I’m getting bombarded by them. Also, it’s fun to troll Etsy myself and find cool things – not have them spoon-fed to me.

I think I also need to spend time focusing on the pretties in my own life that I don’t have to buy – the smoothness of my knitting yarn, the color of cranberries, the aroma of the chili I’ll be making next week. Maybe then I’ll be less of a Scrooge and more of a Bob Crachit.

If only women wouldn’t be so darn uppity

So this lovely gem of an article popped up on my google news ticker today: \http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/01/world/europe/01iht-letter.html?_r=1

First of all, whenever an article starts off with a  “Sex and the City” reference, my first reaction is a gigantic eyeroll – does the New York Times really think that women still judge all of their romantic encounters on the basis of that show? Apparently they do, and who knows, maybe I’m in the minority because of the fact that I don’t.

Anyway, Ms. Bennhold then goes on to state that “there is a growing army of successful women in their 30s who have trouble finding a mate and [who] have been immortalized in S.A.T.C. and the Bridget Jones novels.” Aside from yet another SATC reference, has Ms. Bennhold ever read a Bridget Jones novel? I love Bridget, but I would hardly call her a “successful” woman – at least not in the beginning. And, if memory serves, as she becomes more successful, the more she learns about Mark Darcy, and he’s never threatened by her success; in fact, he’s the one who helps her make a name for herself.

After the pop culture references, we read about several couples in which the woman makes significantly more than the man, but who feels the need to have her partner carry on the impression of “man-as-provider.” The men in these relationships apparently wield the credit cards and/or car doors in public but allow their wealthier wives/girlfriends to pay for things in private. Normally, I really don’t care how other couples handle their finances. But this article seems to perpetuate the stereotype that someone in a relationship must wield the power, and that power is all financial.

This totally goes against my beliefs about relationships. Seems to me that committed relationship is about partnership – pooling resources, talents, preferences, and all the rest to make something that is greater than its parts. Of course money plays into that, but everything becomes “ours.” Each couple has to work this out for themselves, of course, and if separate accounts keep the peace in the home, that’s fine. But you have to be united as a team in terms of goals and mutual respect; otherwise the relationship just won’t work. Swiping a credit card or holding a door won’t hold the relationship together if one partner resents the other’s success.

And rather than saying that women shouldn’t settle for a partner who doesn’t respect them or their success in life, Ms. Bennhold quotes some sage dating advice from one of her interviewees: to “find your life partner in your 20s, rather than your 30s, before you’ve become too successful.” Yes, because the key to finding a successful partner is to reel him in before he has a chance to feel intimidated by you! That’s the key, right there…

Nothing like some great anti-feminist propaganda to get me fired up on an otherwise boring afternoon!